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Missed cues and home-made macaroons
Review date: 2007-10-15 Rating: 10 out of 10
This was one of the finest hours of the Wood and Walters team. Acorn Antiques was a five minute item in the mid 1980s series "Victoria Wood as seen on TV". This DVD gathers all the Acorn Antiques episodes from both series of "As seen on TV".
Acorn Antiques is heavily based on "Crossroads" (the original series, not the glossy resurgence of 2001). If you ever cringed through Crossroads, you will love this. I was lucky enough to hear on Crossroads, live, the immortal fluffed line "But David, she's the father of Hugh's child!"
Acorn Antiques mercilessly spears the low-budget soap, showing the world behind the scenes as well as the world in front of the camera (though often the two worlds literally collide). Other soaps get a look-in, as in the reference to the programme's supposed theme song "Anyone Can Break A Vase" (a dig at EastEnders and Anita Dobson), but Crossroads is the main target - including the theme tune, which echoes Tony Hatch's composition for Crossroads. There is also a brief trailer for an evidently endless series of turgid spin-off books.
Plot-lines are introduced in the most amateurish way possible -"It's awfully quiet in here. Anybody would think you were talking about million-pound legacies or something." Scenery wobbles, and props fail to convince. The shop sign "Acorn Antiqes" (sic) has been crudely painted over the real name underneath.
The star performance is Julie Walters as Mrs. Overall, the faithful servant to the family business. Her dialogue abounds in malapropisms, non sequiturs and sententious observations beyond the realm of logic -"I sometimes think being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the pill". She is recognizably modeled on Crossroads' Amy Turtle. Celia Imrie excels as the brittle shop owner. Duncan Preston manages to achieve a more wooden performance than Ronald Allen did in Crossroads (which is a mighty challenge). Added mirth is provided by Susie Blake as the snobbish TV announcer who introduces each episode ("We'd like to apologise to viewers in the North. It must be dreadful for you.")
I bought the video about 15 years ago. As far as I know, it soon disappeared from the catalogue, and was unavailable until the DVD release in 2005. Buy now before it disappears again.